Life Example

Accepting Circumstances in Life and Marriage – Kate’s Story

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*** After you’re done reading this inspiring story, go to the Needs Test page to find out if you’re an independent-oriented spouse or a team-oriented spouse, and how it affects your marriage. ***

Life can definitely throw curve balls at us, which can have a severe impact on the marriage.  But it’s important to be accepting of different, unexpected circumstances in life and marriage.  We have to be ready for surprises and turn toward each other when these things happen, instead of away from each other.  Today’s inspiring story comes from Kate at https://katevandekamp.wordpress.com/.

From Kate on accepting circumstances in their life and their marriage:

When my husband, Steven, and I got married, we agreed that we wanted to wait a couple years before having kids. We had started dating while I was in university, so I was busy, distracted, and stressed for the first couple years of our relationship. Because of this, we wanted to have time together, just the two of us with nothing distracting or taking time away from each other. This was our plan.

Months before our wedding, I went on the birth control pill. However, Steven and I agreed that I was not a pleasant person to be around while on it, so I went off the pill a couple weeks after our wedding. We did a fair bit of internet research and found – what we now know to be unreliable and inaccurate – information claiming that the hormones in birth control pills stay in a woman’s system for up to three months. Because of this poor assumption, we got pregnant two months after our wedding. We were not prepared for a baby, financially or emotionally; we were not excited about the prospect of becoming parents so much sooner than we had planned. But I quickly adjusted to the pregnancy – coming to terms with a pregnancy tends to be much easier for the mother than for the father. Steven did not say much the night we found out, and that didn’t change in the days that followed. The few conversations we had in those first couple weeks were incredibly strained and tense; talking about the baby and baby prep were conversations that, typically, only I participated in.

I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum early on in my pregnancy, which made our already tense situation that much more challenging for Steven and I. Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a condition in pregnancy that affects only about 3% of pregnant women; it is a debilitating and extreme form of morning sickness that can have serious side effects. I was physically sick for over 4 months, spending a lot of time either sleeping or in the bathroom. This diagnosis only increased the tension between Steven and I. Not only were we pregnant with a baby we weren’t ready for or even wanting, but this pregnancy was making it extremely difficult for me to do much more than lay on my couch. I could see that witnessing his wife be so helplessly sick was taking its toll on Steven, and though he would always rub my back when I was sick in the bathroom, he would wonder – out loud – why I didn’t just stop getting sick.

We were 6 months into our marriage – and 4 months into our pregnancy – and felt like we had hit rock bottom. All of the plans we had made and the trips we talked about suddenly became unreachable. We felt like we had been robbed of our marriage. We tried date nights, and reading up on our baby’s growth together. I tried to keep our home clean and tidy to give Steven less to stress about. Nothing worked. We kept thinking, “Why did this happen to us?”

A little backstory: Steven and I were both raised in Christian homes. Our faith was the foundation of our childhoods, as well as our relationship. We were raised to trust that God is our guide and Father, protecting us. Our pregnancy left us wondering why God had let this happen to us. Why would He let our future and plans get flushed down the toilet?

My pregnancy was half over when I happened upon a Bible passage that would completely upend our perspective.

I stumbled across a passage from Isaiah that says, “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” We realized that everything happens when God wants it to happen. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes to challenge you, strengthen you, or remind you that it is impossible to control everything. Once we realized that, it became a lot easier to handle the stress of our pregnancy. During the last couple of months of the pregnancy, during labor, during the first few weeks of having a baby in our house, Steven and I would focus on that Bible passage. We would focus on how this was God’s plan for us all along.

Accepting that this child was meant to be in our life lifted the weight off our shoulders. Steven and I felt more like our old selves again. We were happier and communicating better, and more understanding and gracious towards each other.”

Please visit https://katevandekamp.wordpress.com/ for more inspiring stories.

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