It’s easy to say, but hard to fulfill sometimes. Be careful taking each other for granted when you’re married. One of the easiest problems to have in marriage is to get focused on our own individual life with the problems we’re facing, and to take some focus off of our spouse and what they need from us.
Crappy things happen in life and we think our spouse should understand if we don’t put the same effort into them as we used to. Most spouses do understand this and are accepting of it. The problem that comes up though is that too often this becomes the new normal and we end up giving our spouse far less than we used to for months, or even years.
Eventually, our spouse gets tired of this “new normal”. This is where we really need to sit down and think how we relate to our spouse now vs. how we related to them months or years ago.
From Devon at https://fixingmyselfhappy.home.blog/ on how she and her husband learned to be careful taking each other for granted:
When Something Is Broken, You Fix It, Not Throw It Away is my advice for a successful marriage. No marriage is immune to hard times and trying times, and if you believe yours is, then you are in for a rude awakening. Every couples trials can be different, they come in all forms. For me there was one time in particular that really tried us, but we made it through and we are stronger than ever.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and are the best of friends. We met when I was 17 and he was 18, and instantly knew he was different and was going to be something special. We moved in together after 6 months of dating and he proposed to me after 1 year of being together.
We stayed engaged for 2 years before finally getting married, because life kept happening. We were young, and did not plan and save like we should have for one. I had lost 2 grand parents in that time frame, and the biggest thing of all is we got pregnant with our first child.
After our daughter was born it really bothered me that I did not have the same last name as him and her. We finally decided it was time to get married, that we had put it off long enough, but we did not want the stress and financial burden of a big wedding. I can tell you as a woman, a small wedding is not what I imagined for myself, looking back, it was the best decision I made. We had zero stress, zero worry, and zero headache. We had maybe 12 people at our wedding, because our families are from two very different places, so we worried about those who mattered most. We had the same end result with no headache. After getting married, life was pretty much the same. Raising a kid and working hard to make it.
We had the same arguments and petty little fights that any couple has, but we never stayed mad for long. At this point in our lives we lived in a small tourist town, that catered to the tourist. Once fall and winter came the town was dead and a lot of businesses closed for the season, so most jobs had no growth. I was working at a doctor’s office giving allergy injections to patients, and my husband was working at Staples as a tech guy. After 3 years of marriage, this was the hardest time in our relationship.
We planned to have our second child and during this hard time I was 6 months pregnant. My pregnancy with our second was a difficult one. I had Gestational Diabetes and he was such a big baby that it caused me to have a separated Pelvis, which resulted in me being off work. On top of that, my grandfather who was more my father, slipped into his alzheimer’s, and we all knew the end was coming. I, to say the least, was very much wrapped up in my problems and
got quite depressed. My husband, on the other hand, seemed fine. He was always the rock and never had emotions in my mind. Later I found out, that he was going through his own battles. He was feeling stuck in his job, as I said no growth, and he wasn’t making much money. He was stressed and overworked. He did not feel like I was there for him. We existed in the same space, but weren’t a team at this point.
This formula led to an ugly time. You add in a woman known for her home-wrecking skills who gives your husband just the smallest attention, and it gets really ugly. We were out to dinner one night when my husband sprung upon me that he wasn’t sure he loved me anymore. This caught me off guard and led to a lot of crying and confusion. I ended up going to my parents house for a couple nights, when he asked me to come back home. I was back home for maybe 3 days when he said he was still unhappy. This time, I told him he could leave and I was staying in our apartment. He first went to a hotel, same one that woman worked at. He continued to talk to her and it bothered me.
At first I was hurt, I was heartbroken. I was confused. I was tired of being used and thrown away. So I finally put my foot down. I told him, “If you want to be just friends then fine, save your money and go file for divorce because I am done with this yo-yo game you have going on.” The next day, called me and asked me to speak, and I agreed. I went to him and we talked. He cried and let his heart pour out. He was severely depressed, and actually had not been eating, just drinking beer. He was confused, because he knew he was unhappy with were he was in life and, in his words, it was easier to blame his unhappiness on me than to admit that it was his choices.
He begged me to stay with him and us work it out. I had my rules. He was to no longer speak with that woman and he was to ask to be put on a different shift than her. I also asked that he tell me everything that went on between them, because honesty is important. I found out that they messed around but he never actually had sex with her. He even offered to couples counseling if that’s what it took.
I did not think we needed the counseling. We always were best friends and I knew we could figure it out together. The first month or two was emotional and hard for me, I was afraid that today was the day he’d leave again. I finally sat him down and said to him, “I forgive you and I am forgetting. I am doing this for me and my piece of mind so we can grow past this.” The next day he got a call and a job offer from an amazing company that has completely changed our lives. He excelled at his new job and it even allows me to be a stay at home mom now with our 7 year old daughter and our 3 year old son.
It has been about 4 years now since that hard time, and we are doing better than we ever have. We are closer, we are more open with one another, we have better communication. I can say to you that even though it all sucked and I was hurt, I don’t think I would change the situation. It had to happen for us to be where we are in our relationship, because with how we grew apart and took each other for granted, I don’t know that we would still be together if it didn’t, we needed a wake up call. We were able to see what led to that situation, biggest cause was lack of communication, so we were able to change it. It made us realize that we wanted nothing but each other, because even with all of that, we couldn’t fathom waking up without each other. We have something worth fighting for, when most people would have given up, we pushed through and mended the broken fence. I am so in love with him, and he treats me like a queen. I smile
constantly, I laugh daily, and I am filled with so much joy and happiness that I can’t even put it into words. I trust him with all my heart, and I am so proud to call him my husband. The truest of loves are the ones that can make it through the fire stronger and becomes indomitable.
Please visit https://fixingmyselfhappy.home.blog/ for more inspiring stories.
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