Life Example

Change a Marriage Not Working – Chelsea’s Story

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We all have our own personal issues and problems to work out in life.  It makes it even more complicated when mental health issues are involved.  But even with this, there is a way to change a marriage that is not working well.  The key is to ask for help and seek out a professional when needed.  Today’s inspiring story comes from Chelsea at https://beautifullychaotic2018.wordpress.com/.

From Chelsea on how she was able to change a marriage not working well:

“When my husband, Charles, and I met in 2010, I started our relationship with full disclosure.  I told him that I had depression and anxiety and that I struggled a lot with it.  He reacted in no way particular, just said okay and that he would always be here for me.  But he didn’t really know what those words would actually mean.

In 2011 we moved in together and that is when he really saw what depression and anxiety is all about.  I would frequently be in really down and out of touch moods.  This resulted in me missing work, not helping out around our apartment, extreme moodiness and frequent panic attacks and crying spurts.  Charles and I would argue all the time about my “laziness”.  I’d try to explain myself, my behavior, but he just saw it as excuses.  He really did not understand.

I have been diagnosed with several mental illnesses; bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and major depression.  All of these individually bring their own struggles to everyday life.  Now imagine having a combination of any of these, or even all of them together.  My life has definitely been one extreme roller coaster ride.

Living with mental illness is a journey no one wants to go on.  The highs and lows, the emotions, depression, anxiety; it is so overwhelming that often times the person with the illness isn’t even sure how to deal with it themselves.  Now imagine being the spouse of someone who suffers with mental illness.  A spouse that, until they met you, had never been in a relationship with someone with a mental illness, let alone known someone with a mental illness.

The fighting continued over the years of our relationship.  Sometimes it was little arguments and other times it was full blown fighting.  Our relationship was very toxic because of this.  In 2013, after we got married, I had a major shift in my mental state.  We were fighting pretty bad one night and I was in such rage that I had blacked out.  I didn’t blackout in the normal sense of the word.  Instead, my rage took over and I had said some pretty mean things, things that would not be forgotten.  To be honest, I didn’t even know what it was that I had said.  When Charles came back to our room to check on me after giving me time to cool down, he told me what I had said.  Tears fell from my eyes and we decided that it was time for me to go see a psychiatrist again.  Charles went with me to my appointment; and there, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I was immediately put on a mood stabilizer, given new medication for my depression as well as my anxiety.  During the appointment Charles had asked so many questions.  He really wanted to know what was going on with me.  He wanted to be able to help me.  To understand what could be the illness and what could simply be me being a jerk or being lazy.

Our relationship finally started to change.  He became more patient with me, and with me being on medication, I had finally started to move into a stable state.  We still have our arguments and sometimes things between us revert back into the way things were before I was diagnosed and properly medicated.  And in the last month or so I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic disorder on top of my already existing mental illnesses.  Charles has taken my diagnosis seriously and really puts forth the understanding and compassion that I need.  I won’t say that our relationship is perfect; but I will say that our relationship is far better than it has ever been.

Please visit https://beautifullychaotic2018.wordpress.com/ for more of her great stories.

 

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