Stimulation Needs

5 Stimulation Needs in Marriage for Connection

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Trying to figure out how to feel more connected to your spouse?  Learning the 5 Stimulation Needs in marriage for connection is an important step to do this.  Having marriage passion and increasing sexual desire in marriage can be challenging at times, but can be very much worth it.  You may feel your marriage is secure and stable, but at the same time you may feel it isn’t as fun or passionate as it needs to be, or provides the stimulation you desire for a better connection in the marriage.  It’s a steamy relationship but the marriage is not working as well.  You want both!

Your Spouse’s primary Stimulation Need brings out a passionate spark toward you when fulfilled.  They feel your active vitality in life, your confident demeanor and a captivating dynamic about you.  This need helps to create an energetic desire for you.

You give this need with the behaviors and actions you take to show your enticing nature, your strength in life and boldness about what you want.  It’s about you having confidence in yourself and doing what you enjoy, yet willing to do what they enjoy too.

When you fulfill this need for them, you give them an exciting thrill from their normal steady life.  They see you as a determined person to live a life of fun and passion together and truly enjoy life with.  It’s them seeing you as a tantalizing and intriguing person that produces an instinctual desire for you.

Of the 5 Stimulation Needs below, find the primary one most important to you and the primary one most important to your spouse.

Which One is My Own Primary Stimulation Need?

First, answer the questions based on how much you desire each need be fulfilled by your spouse.  Think about how you feel closest to them when something is fulfilled and how you feel distant from them when it is not fulfilled.  Answer honestly and let your spouse answer honestly with no shame or judgment.

Second, make your primary stimulation need or needs in marriage for connection known to your spouse, and consistently fulfill your spouse’s primary need.  This is what makes them feel happy, closer to you and more connected to you, which inspires them to do things for you and fulfill your desires.  Bonus if you also fulfill their secondary need.

For each of the 5 Stimulation Needs, mark them as follows:  Primary (one) – this is the most important thing my spouse can do for me; Secondary (one) – this is important to me but not as important as the primary; Occasional (three) – these are nice occasionally but not needed on a regular basis.

#1 My spouse being flirty and pursuing: 

Examples of this need –

Being flexible and enthusiastic to do things I enjoy; not rigid.

Break from routine to initiate exciting, carefree, fun things.

Being flirty outside the bedroom, make me feel ravished inside it.

#2 My spouse being actively full of life:

Examples of this need –

Being active, ambitious; passion for hobbies, interests, knowledge.

Drawing people in with conversation, eye contact, smile, laugh.

Having an uplifting presence and positive energy.

#3 My spouse being visually enticing:

Examples of this need –

Having hairstyle and clothing I like best and find most attractive.

Healthy lifestyle with body weight, some muscle, good hygiene.

Being visually enticing at home as much as outside of it.

#4 My spouse being assertively confident:

Examples of this need –

Assertively stating what they want and enjoy, not giving hints.

Making decisions when needed or asked, express opinions.

Standing up for their values, show confidence in themselves.

#5 My spouse being aware not to over-pursue:

Examples of this need –

Backing off to let me pursue sometimes and flirt at my own pace.

Giving space, time apart occasionally, at home and outside of it.

Letting me impress and please them sometimes, don’t try too hard.

What is my primary Stability Need?  Go here to the 5 Stability Needs page to find out.  These are just as important as the 5 Stimulation Needs in marriage for connection.

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